I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
