I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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