she woke up with a sticky ear
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Someone signed my nipple.
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