Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
