i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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