You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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