I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
