So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
