I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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