now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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