My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
