is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
