one two three fourrrrnication!
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
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