It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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