btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize