I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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