i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My penis needs a shock collar
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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