soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
