My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
