is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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