Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
