Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
