I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
