i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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