im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
