Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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