I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Omg I joined a choir last night...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
