You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
