Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
