I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
