you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We're too hungover to prance.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
