I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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