I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize