I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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