So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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