I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
