I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
