he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
