I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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