Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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