somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
