I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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