this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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