my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
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