i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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