Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
