i already hear my dad disowning me
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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