I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
