and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
