Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
