Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
