I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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