Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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