Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
