First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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