I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
