just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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