We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
