I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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