Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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