You really coming over, don't trick.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
