I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
