I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
