i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
