No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
