Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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