It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
