Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
