I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
