Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
