I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
