from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
