bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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