update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
