Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
