Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
