epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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