I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
