apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
