Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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