# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
