I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
