you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize