You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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