remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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