he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
