Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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