SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
