I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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