You smell like stripper and shame
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
