Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
