Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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