He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
