Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
